Read this post for Daddy…

My first entry has to do with one simple account pertaining to what not to say in bed unless you have fully discussed your kinks with your partner (or partners). This will help you avoid any awkwardness before, during, or after intercourse.

It all started when I met this guy in stereotypical New York fashion at a coffee shop on the lower east side. While ordering my usual bland black coffee I noticed a handsome man in his mid twenties giving me the eye. I took notice of his strong attractive features, 6’1” well-built frame, and (as you will soon see is my weakness) his crystal blue eyes. Long story short, small talk turned into my giving him my card (yeah I have a card, how yuppie is that, I’m still in school for Christ’s sake). I also soon learned that the twenty something was actually a thirty one year old something. Normally I would have run like a fat kid from a treadmill, but his young look and appealing personality lead me….eventually….after dinner and drinks…back to his apartment. It was quite innocent, actually. We were just hanging out.

But of course hanging out turned into hanging out with no clothes on, which turned into kissing with no clothes on and…you get the picture.

It was going pretty well. Amazing, actually. I was really getting into it, until a few words decided to complicate things:

 

“Oh yeah, suck your thumb for daddy.”

It’s awkward to have to say “p-pardon?” under your breath while making out with someone naked. It’s even more embarrassing (for him, not you) when you break into uncontrollable peals of laughter. “Wait,” I said in between spurts of merriment, “Did you just ask me to suck my thumb?”.

I looked into those crystal eyes, which this time were shaded in an expression of embarrassment and disappointment. “So does this mean you won’t put the Pokémon undies on?” he asked.

 

I ended up putting my clothes back on, sleeping on the couch in his room (I had no desire to get on the subway at 3:30), and leaving the next morning as quickly and with as little awkwardness as possible. Looking back, I guess I should have seen the signs. I am very boyish looking, not feminine, but I look quite young. I should be on the look out for these guys constantly, but I am admittedly naive and try to find the good in everyone. I figured his talk about finding younger guys attractive was just talk about, you know, eighteen to twenty-one year olds. Apparently it was talk about eight year olds.Ok, so that’s not necessarily true. He did say he that he only thinks, “it’s hot when younger legal guys play like they’re even younger” shortly after I began to make my bed on the couch.

I had, in my “assume the best” attitude, not thought anything of it when he talked about how he liked that underwear they have for guys now with the cartoon characters and the boy fit (If you have been in an H&M you know what I’m referring to), but I had no idea he had a pack of Pokémon Hanes on tap in his top drawer right next to his Astroglide and Trojan Magnums. I also played dumb to the fact that he kept saying “good boy” under his breath every now and then during our session. It annoyed the hell out of me but I was willing to let it slide.

Of course he had to go and say those fine words that ended the whole thing. Being verbal in the bedroom can be great, but unless you have a narration fetish or are missing all nerve sensitivity (and are blind) I don’t think describing everything you’re doing and seeing is necessary. Yeah, I get it: so smooth, or so big, or so hot…whatever. It’s great every now and then, but there comes a point when it becomes less about sex and more about adjectives.

If you choose to be verbal in bed, I suggest you discuss the extent of your fetishes beforehand. Just like a wobbly track can cause a train wreck, your eagerness to express your deepest desires can cause a similar disaster: the tragedy of you not getting any. Even in this sort of “hook up” situation, I suppose it would have been best for me to just maybe ask….”So… are there any fetishes I should know about? Any thing with whips, chains, anime characters?”

 

Men are freaks.

 

X

Adam